Regarding princesses...

I didn't even know she knew the word "Princess".

Nick: Kate, are you a queen?

Kate: No. Princess.

-later-

Nick: You're such a little princess.

Kate: No. Mommy princess.

Me: Oh, mommy's a princess?

Kate: NO. Sam! Sam princess.

Good memory!

At the ripe old age of not quite 2, she has officially memorized her first book! Granted, it's not a very sophisticated or wordy book, but a book just the same.

Kate: Peek a....MOO! Peek a....BOO! Peek a....ZOO! Peek a....CHOO CHOO! Peek a....YOU!

I don't think Santa gives those out...

Little Brother had his shots today and I gave him some drugs when we got home. Not soon after, we had this exchange.

Me: So, what do you want for Christmas, Kate?

Kate: Sucker. Mouth. [pointing]

Me: A sucker in your mouth? OK. What do you think Sam wants?

Kate: More drugs?

Bluntness, Part 2

Since I had so successfully used the shower excuse at bedtime before, I did it again.

Me: I have to go take a shower.

Kate: BYE. [pushing me out of bed]

Me: You want me to leave?

Kate: Ewwww, dirty mommy. Grosssss.

You don't have to be that blunt...

I was putting her to bed and trying to explain why I had to leave.

Me: I have to go take a shower.

Kate: Dirty mommy.

Me: Ha, that's right.

Kate: Mommy dirty clothes.

Does this mean she thinks I feed her dog?

She was eating a hot dog and peas for lunch.

Kate: Hot dog!

Me: Yep, hot dog.

Kate: Hot peas!

Anti-nudity unless it's her own

Lulu was laying on her back, legs up in the air.

Kate: [pointing] Vagina!

[walks to diaper bag, grabs a diaper, opens it up, and places it over Lulu's lady parts.]

Kate: No vagina.

Fishing for sympathy

In the car, riding home from Wal-Mart.

Kate: [fake cough] I'm okay!

Me: Well, I'm glad to hear that.

Kate: [fake cough] Oh, I'm okay!

Me: Great!

Kate: [fake cough] I'm okay, I'm okay!

Me: Mmmhmm...

Poor kid will fit right in with Apple and Sparrow

Me: Kate, what's your baby doll's name?

Kate: Party Tummy.

One for the boyfriend in 16 years

As background info, she says "bite" when she wants a bite of something.

Her brother had just finished nursing but I hadn't yet put the, uh, equipment away. She walks up and points.

Kate: Bite?

Me: Um, what?

Kate: Bite?

Me: Bite?

Kate: Bite. Booby.

Me: Um...nah, I don't think that would taste very good.

Kate: Yucky.

Regarding Halloween...

We tried to work on "trick or treat". Instead it went more like this.

Me: [approaching a door] Okay Kate, say trick or treat!

Kate: [crickets]

Me: Okay, thank you. Can you say thank you?

Kate: [crickets]

Then we'd walk away.

Kate: Thank you mommy!

[approaching next house]

Kate: Hi, house! Hey! Candy!

Me: Okay, can you say trick or treat this time?

Kate: [crickets]

Me: Okay, say thank you!

Kate: [crickets]

[walking away]

Kate: Thank you mommy!

Worst Potty Trainers Ever, Pt. 2

We were at Nick's dad's house. Nick's grandma had given her a plastic pumpkin full of goodies. Naturally, she dumped them all out. She was standing next to Nick's dad, tilting the empty pumpkin up in the air, and said "Poop". We were all like, what? There's no poop in the pumpkin! She said it again and I thought maybe she was seeing the black paint of the jack-o-lantern on the inside of the pumpkin and thought it was poop. I don't know.

Five minutes later, she gives me this exasperated look, grabs one diaper and the box of wipes from the diaper bag, and heads off to the guest room, where we change diapers. "POOP".

Ohhhhh.